If you would have told me a year ago that this following year that I would be getting a divorce, my wife…a person I have known and loved for 14 years would be in love with someone else…and that I would be moving to Vietnam…I would told you that you were insane. It’s funny that no matter how sure you are of things…life has a way of surprising you.
I’ve always been a negative person. Not so much depressed but never very happy. I can always find a dark cloud in every silver lining. I had thought growing up that when I found a career I loved and was passionate about, got married and made a lot of money…I would surely be happy. But I always found a reason to be miserable. It was easier to distrust people and think of the worse case scenario in every situation so that I would never be hurt and dissappointed when sometime bad would come to pass. In the end, I still got hurt and I’ve been more miserable than I’ve ever been in my life.
So the way I’ve lived for the past 38 years has brought me nothing but pain and I got to the point where I was thinking some pretty dark thoughts. It seemed that it would be an easy thing to do to just give up and kill myself, but when I was confronted by my family…the hurt and worry that they expressed made my easy way out, harder than I thought it would be.
I needed a change. A complete overhaul of my life. I had briefly flirted with the idea of joining the military and volunteering in a bomb disposal unit, but considering I am extremely out of shape…and have always had an issue with authority figures….the military was probably not the right fit for me. However, I definitely needed to leave the United States for awhile, since everything here has reminded me too much of my soon to be ex-wife and the life I used to have.
My family immigrated to the United States from Vietnam when I was only 3 year old. I was too young to remember much, but I was able to visit the country about 9 years ago with my mom, and we still have quite a few relatives over there. My Vietnamese is awful, but I probably know enough to get around. I am not sure what I am going to do in Vietnam yet, but my goal is just to learn to enjoy the little things in life. Maybe by simplying my goals, and by virtue of being in a much less developed country and seeing how average people struggle to achieve the dreams that many of us in the United States take for granted…I will be able to change my perspective a bit. It is a tall order, especially for someone as stubborn and thick-headed as I am (both figuratively and literally)….but I am going to take a shot at it.
I am hoping to continue this blog as a diary of my travels, and all the pitfalls and triumphs that I will experience. Throughout it all, my aim is to leave the past behind, and to empty my cup…hopefully to fill it with something more positive in Saigon.